So my friend Jessica coined the term ‘Panic-Face.’ It’s the thing you slip into, the mindset, when panic starts to take over. We’ve talked on and on about the different levels of panic face, and how long it lasts for, etc.
I started hitting panic-face sometime this morning. For a few reasons. In the non writing life, it’s been a bad week for personal stuff. 3 major issues (that I really haven’t talked to anyone but my roommate about), work stress, and on top of that, I’m submitting my work to big agents.
It’s a slow build this time around, usually I channel all that stress into an OCD cleaning spree. Leah knows them well. And she knows just as well to sit back and not talk to me, and not offer to help. Because it’s just something I have to go through. When I quit my last job (one of the two different times before I left for good), I stayed up until 7 or 8 am, and started cleaning and doing errands around 4 am.
It usually starts with the dishes and the laundry. Once those are underway, I do something in one room, and then I have to leave and do something in another room. If it’s a big project, I get to a stopping point, and then move on. And I keep moving on until I run out of energy.
So in the meantime, I wait. It’s not the waiting so much as the silence that gets to me. Usually? Not so bad. I can hang on for a couple of months to wait on a decision. It’s just with everything else going on, I want something to focus on. It’s just not this.