Eerie Query Review: Crewel

What wouldn’t a girl give to attend the most lavish parties, wear fabulous clothes, and have the power to manipulate life and death?  In the future, Spinsters have the ability to weave Time and Matter to create a perfect reality, the Arras, outside the crumbling ruins of Earth.

Adelice has been raised to deny her gift, (why deny this gift, if it’s everything you’re saying in the first paragraph?) but when her talent is discovered at the annual testing, she is thrust into a life of privilege, danger, and intrigue where beneath every polished surface lies the sinister truth that perfection comes with a price.  You’re telling us about the danger – show us some examples.  HOW is it dangerous?  What does it mean that perfection comes with a price? Torn from her family, she must choose whether to take her place in this world or commit dangerous treason.  As she begins to understand her role in the Arras, she must discover who she can trust, because when you are beautiful, young and powerful, its hard to separate friends, lovers, and enemies.

CREWEL is a fast paced, coming-of-age dystopian novel where femme fatales battle gun-slinging frontiersmen in a futuristic alternate reality.  It is complete at 70,000 words.

I hold a Masters in English from the University of Missouri.

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My thoughts:

This is one of those examples where I think more is actually less.  I think you need to spend a few more lines explaining the nature of the world.  One of the most interesting lines of the query is at the end – and we don’t see that in the actual description of the novel.  “Femme fatales battle gun-slinging frontiersmen.”  Win.  Give us more of that all the way through.  We need to understand enough to know what Spinsters actually are, what the Arras is exactly, and how gun-slinging frontiersmen play into the overall picture.

What is the link between attending lavish parties and wielding power over life and death?  What does it mean to have the ability to weave Time and Matter?  What is the Arras exactly?  Is it a separate reality?  Is it an Eden in the desert? We need enough information that we can follow where you’re going with the query, to set the stage for Adelice’s story.

Also, we need to know at least a thing or two about Adelice herself.  What is her journey throughout the book, aside from being thrust into this world of privilege and dangerous intrigue?

I’m definitely interested to see where you go with this – the concept sounds like it could be absolutely fantastic.  Side note, I absolutely love the title, I didn’t want to forget to mention that. 🙂

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2 thoughts on “Eerie Query Review: Crewel

  1. Thank you Scott! This was my first attempt at putting anything on paper and it is so helpful to have you ask those questions, because I feel like it gives me a sense of what a reader/agent will want more information about. I will definitely use this to revamp and expand. And I’ve been second guessing the title so thank you for feedback on that too!

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